Blessing and Thanks

                First off let me say that last time I wrote I was sitting in candlelight. Well this time I find myself sitting on my porch listening to the crickets chirp and the noises of the city going to sleep. A combo of sounds that in America really wouldn’t go together, but here they seem to harmonize in a perfect unison that one must hear to believe. There is an old saying that I would like to put into practice in this new blog. It’s the saying of “Count your blessings” so this blog is going to do just that J

                First off comes the obvious. I am sitting in Rwanda…..I LIVE in another country….not just visiting, no LIVING. How awesome is that? I get to see the beauty of God’s creation in a new light and I get to experience a new and amazing culture on a day-to-day basis. This is truly a blessing. While I have been here I have had the privilege of meeting some amazing people. There is Amy Willis who has taught orphans all over the globe and is now teaching at an orphanage in Gisenyi, on top of running a business that employs woman in the area and gives them a means of income. Then there is Robin. Robin is from India but now manages a tea company in Gisenyi. The thing that makes Robin so awesome is his generous spirit. The man will do anything for anybody. It may be a part of his culture but I see a heart that loves helping people. He has been a major benefit during my time here. I was able to meet two girls named Tara and Allison who started the business that Amy now runs. They saw a need and met the need. Tara saw the girls at the orphanage and followed a dream that was laid on her heart to start a bag making business and employ the woman there. That dream became a reality and has blessed woman all over the area. I met a woman named Tash who has traveled the world and seen some of the most amazing sights. Her photos and videos are breathtaking. I met a girl named Elise who did what Tara did except with guys and it is because of her that I was able to come to Rwanda in the first place. She has been a major blessing. There have also been teams who have come through and I have met two gentlemen who have amazing stories and testimonies. Frank Pass, who is now a leader at VO (visiting orphans) started out as a youth pastor but through a series of events and the divine plan of God, he now travels the world leading missions trips. Another man I met who I connected to instantly was a man by the name of Terry Ford. Now Terry has a story and I don’t wanna tell it without his approval so I won’t but I just wanna say that he has been an encourager during my time here and I truly appreciate his encouragement. There are my new mentors and spiritual parents Gary and Sherry (I think I spelled that wrong) who have taken me under their wing and who are teaching me and helping me how to be the bets man of God I can be. The wisdom that has come from them has already impacted me and I know more is to come.

                Among the white people I have met there has been a variety of Rwandans that I have gotten to know. There is Bosco who just graduated from university and he is such an awesome man of God. He loves big and I see the lord moving in him in such a powerful way. I met Babtistie…(that’s not how you spell that lol) He helped out in the house in Gisenyi washing clothes, doing yard work, ect. He was always at the house at 7am (if not earlier) and worked his heart out every day. His laugh is contagious and fills the house. He is such a carefree man and I consider it an honor to have met him. I met Israel who lived at Noel but is now attending university in Kigali. He is an AMAZING basketball player. The dude could easily have played D1 given the chance. Talks with him were never lacking. The three girls living in the Gisenyi house, Elise, Doreen, Janette, cooked and goofed off. They were a beacon of joy and could always be counted on for a good laugh. Faustin was my right hand man and has helped me through the transition. He is such a hard worker and truly cares for his family. These are just to name a few of my new friends J

                Now when I got to Rwanda I was to live in a small house with no gate and it was tucked away in an alley like thing. I was honestly freaked out but God provided someone who I cannot say enough about and who has been a MAJOR asset and friend during my time here. Tina is a woman with a story to tell and has been through so much. She honestly should not be where she is but by the grace of God she is a loving mother, a caring caretaker, and so full of wisdom. There is another girl in the Gisenyi house that this list would be incomplete without and that is Katie. She is 19 and is living in Africa, giving her life to serve the lord. We have had awesome talks and she has become a major friend.

                Now on to my home friends. There is a couple in Nashville, TN who I actually met here and who I had the privilege of living with for three weeks. Ben and Kassie Wilson are musicians who came here to visit the little girl they sponsor and I knew immediately that a friendship was forged. Many a nights we laughed so hard that tears would start to roll down out faces. There is Zac Williams who has always been someone I could vent to and lean on. Tressa who has never ceased to pray for me and be there for me when I was upset. Jordan Freeman is someone I loved to talk to about the military situation going on and laugh at the reactions he would reply with. Amanda Briggs has been an encourager and Anthony Johnson has made sure to pray for me and I have felt every one. I also have a home prayer team that work with my mother in Lana and Paula and I know that there prayers have helped me find joy. I have a second set of parents back home named Jerry and Susan who have been a major support not just in this journey but since I was 15. They have encouraged and loved on me and seen me at my worst and now at my best.

I would now like to go all the way home and talk about my family. I have a family that has supported me every step of the way. I have a father who has given me encouragement and let me know that he is proud of what I do. I have a mother who I can always go to and who has probably heard me cry more these past few months then in the past few years lol. I have two brothers who have got to be the best in the world. I have a brother who is married and he and his wife have pushed me to be better and go at this with all I have. I have a younger brother who I am so proud of and I wouldn’t trade him for anything. He is one of my best friends. I also have grandparents who have supported me and who have poured wisdom into me since birth.

                Now for the small things. I have a grill which is AMAZING!!!! I nearly cried when I heard that I would have one. I get a hot shower every night. I have a church that has supported me financially in a major way. I have my own house….. I HAVE A HOUSE…..IN AFRICA!!!!! I get to listen to the sounds of Rwandans worshiping almost every night and these are just to name a few. And last but not least I have the blessing of a God and Savior who have taken the time to change me and pour into me. It is because of Him that I am here and it is because of Him that my life has been so radically change and I know that I have merely broke the surface of this deep ocean that is His love and presence.

                So that’s it and I know its not hugely spiritual or deep but after being here three months I wanted to give thanks where it is due J

Emotional Crosstext (context but with Cross....read and you will understand)

                First off gotta say that I am writing this in candlelight…how awesome is that? Anyway, if you have read my last blog you know that the past three weeks have been an emotional three weeks. One’s of hurt, turmoil, pain, and the like. You know the usual. Yesterday I wrote a blog about going in to the wilderness and how God uses the wilderness to teach us His truths and to help us grow stronger in Him. Well today a little tid-bit of golden nugget truth came to me. I was reading a biography about Rees Howells, who was an amazing man of God during The Welsh Revival and WW2. In his biography there is a section that talks about a man he knew who was put in a mental hospital after his conversion to Christianity from Judaism. He was a new convert and was struggling with why God would place him in a mental hospital. He found himself complaining to God about the situation and it was in that moment that God gave him a vision. He said that he saw Calvary and was taken through every stage of the crucifixion and saw Christ hanging on the cross. It was at that moment that Jesus looked at him and spoke “must I bear this cross alone, and all the world go free?” to which the man replied “No. There’s a cross for everyone and there is a cross for me.” From that moment on he ceased to complain about his situation but instead started to pray for the other people in the hospital with him. What an amazing transformation and heart. To understand the true significance of the cross and to see what it truly cost is more than one could ever ask for and is something every Christian should strive to achieve.

                After reading this little segment I sat back and thought of how selfish I have been during this entire journey. What did I expect? That everything was going to go super smooth just because I was doing the work that He set before me? When I look at the gospels and the life of Christ, the ultimate example of following God’s call, I notice that His life was filled with turmoil and anguish. He had to deal with thick headed disciples who were constantly fighting amongst themselves about who was the most important and who never truly seemed to understand what Christ was trying to say. Talk about managerial frustration. He dealt with people coming to Him at all hours of the day and night asking for His help and to hear Him speak. The dude could barely find time for rest and I know from experience from both my life and the life of my friends that when people lack sleep they turn into a completely different monster. Its like those snicker commercials where they are a completely different person when they don’t eat except its when they don’t sleep, and yet he was still loving on people and taking time to help them in a loving manner. Can you say tough? And do I even have to mention the Pharisees (which by the way when I spelt that wrong the first suggestion was parasite which I found humorous). Above all that was the fact that the cross still loomed so heavily over Him. I mean all this time of ministering and loving on people, He KNEW He was going to die a painful, horrible death and yet never ran from it…. WHAT? Was Jesus crazy? Maybe crazy in love with you and me…lol ok sorry I know that was super cheesy but I couldn’t resist.
                So I am sitting here thinking about all this, all that He went through, and I realize that I have absolutely NO room to complain or whine to Him. He will allow me to because He is there for us, but when I place my problems and sacrifices up next to His they are petty in comparison. I realize that in order for me to be all that He has called me to be I must begin to place my problems (or so called problems) in context with His. Yes I may feel tired or sad or angry but so did Jesus. He was human and dealt with Human emotions. The dude wept so He got sad, He threw tables over so He most definitely got mad, and He felt betrayal by someone that was super close to Him for THREE years… can you say OUCH. And yet He still went through everything He went through with a willing and loving heart. We never hear a word of complaining (although He does ask that the cup pass from Him but come on who wouldn’t). My emotions have been was to much of a factor in this journey and after praying and reading and seeing this whole thing in context I must say that I will no longer be driven by emotion…Unless that emotion is love in which case it does drive me J. Emotions are temporary but our actions are eternal. Don’t let an eternal decision and action be determined by a temporary emotion….not a good idea…trust me I know. I think this is a major point that God has been trying to drill home these past few weeks and I have finally got it….only took 22 years…I blame my father for my stubbornness (btw dad if your reading this I LOVE YOU and your AWESOME and a Great dad…. J ) SO yea I guess that’s all I got for this one…. Wow three blogs in less than a week… this is a new record for me lol. Hope this has encouraged you to view your problems in relation to His and to understand that while life is hard, He never promised it would be easy, only that He would walk through it with us. Love ya’ll and God bless J

Into The Wilderness

My last few blogs have been really optimistic and upbeat blogs about how awesome this trip has been and how much God has been doing in my life and how I have been growing in such leaps and bounds, and while that is partly true its not the whole truth. This blog is not one I was wanting to write but I think it needs to be written. What I am about to write is gut wrenchingly honest. Its real and it’s me. You see, these past three weeks have been some of the hardest of my time here, which is truly saying a lot when one steps back and looks at all the turmoil and hard ache that went on in July. Early this month God laid it on my heart to give someone up. To place a relationship on hold and remove the distraction that it was causing. I was coming off a month of absolute awesomeness and a month of me feeling super close to God. A month of feeling His grace flow through me and one in which my joy, peace, and trust in Him seemed unending. I was on top of the world and felt like I could do anything, so naturally when He asked me to put the friendship on hold I jumped at it expecting that God was going to supercharge me in the Spirit. If I was already so full of Love, Grace, Peace, and Joy, then how much more so when I gave that friend up and focused solely on Him? Little did I know, that when I asked God to take me to another level, what I was truly asking for.

                August 29^th came and my friend and I talked and discussed the laying down of the friendship so we could both focus on Him. She said that she had been feeling the same and been getting the same message as me so it wasn’t just me feeling this leading. So we stopped talking. One day goes by and no problem, still feeling close to Him and feeling joy and peace. Day 2 comes and again no problem. Day three comes and all of a sudden I notice that, for the first time in over a month, I was actually starting to get frustrated, and not frustrated over big things but of small, insignificant things. Things that don’t matter. I thought it was just an off day and I knew the remedy was worship and prayer so that’s what I did. For an hour I prayed and worshiped and to my shock, nothing changed. I was still getting frustrated and was just feeling weird. I thought it must be a fluke, a bad day. Turns out it was the beginning of something that I was not prepared for. The next three weeks turned into weeks of feeling anger, indifference, loneliness, frustration, and more than anything else, dry. I was spiritually dry. I couldn’t understand it. I was praying every day, reading my bible, worshiping and yet nothing was changing. Sure, there were flashes of joy and peace but they were few and far between. I felt completely alone, isolated in a foreign country. My prayers started turning from “God I know you have everything under control”, to “God what are you doing?” I gave up a friendship to grow closer to God and yet here I was feeling farther from Him then I had in a long time. I asked God why I had to give up the friend if it was going to cause me to get worse. I gave her up for Him and yet I was getting nothing. It has been a very hard and lonely time.

                Today I moved to Kigali and I got to talk to the missionary that has taken me under his wing. I told him all that was going on and his words put everything into context. He said that when Christ was baptized and the Holy Spirit fell upon Him, what was the next thing God had him do? God sent Christ into the wilderness. Into a dry wasteland. Whenever we ask God to take us to the next level spiritually He doesn’t just say “ok here ya go.” He places us in the wilderness to be stretched, strained, and tested. No matter what you do in life, whether in sports or whatever, you get better by training, by pushing yourself to your limits and then breaking those limits. That is what God has been doing to me the past three weeks. I heard that and tears welled up in my eyes. All the pain made sense. All the loneliness seemed to have a purpose. It’s in the wilderness that growth happens because it is in the wilderness where our deepest issues are brought to the light to be dealt with. This has not been an easy journey and there have been more nights than not that I have fallen asleep with knots in my stomach due to the pain in my soul. Even with all that though, I wouldn’t have done it any differently because I know that it is making me stronger in Him, even when I can’t feel it.

               

A Life Worth Living

“Every man dies but not every man truly lives”- Mel Gibson, Braveheart

                The seconds slowly tick by in the darkness as sleep eludes me. My thoughts race as I find myself thinking of what the dawn might bring. I glance at my phone lying on my bedside table. 12:30. Even if I fell asleep now it would still only give me 3 ½ hours of sleep…not good for the journey that lays ahead. I continue to toss back and forth like a child waiting for Christmas morning, I reach for the slightest inclination of sleep, knowing it will make the moment arrive sooner. I look out the window to check the night sky and to my dismay the stars and moon are covered by a thick haze of clouds. I lay my head back down and lift up a silent pray for the clouds to dissipate and clear skies to prevail, if only for a few hours. Around 1:30 I drift off to sleep.          

                BEEP, BEEP, BEEP… The alarm clock sounds signaling the start of my journey. Slowly and with much effort I sit up and grab the red bull sitting by my bed. I have prepared for this moment and want to be awake to enjoy the beauty that is about to unfold before my eyes. Pulling on my hoodie, cargo pants, and hiking boots I grab my bag filled with goodies and head out. 4:45 finds me walking out the front door into the crisp, cool morning air. The moon shines brightly in the western sky through a thin mist of clouds. At least they have thinned out some. I get on the main highway and head east, the darkness of countryside surrounding me on all sides. After a mile up the road I come to the dirt path leading to my destination. I stare out into the void and take in the task before me. Out of the ground it rises, like a sleeping giant it lays. I listen to the world around me as it starts to awaken. Dawn approaches. I make way down the path coming first to the bridge that lies across the flooded and raging river that separates me from my conquest. The bridge is definitely a Rwanda improve, as it consists of three trees bunched together and laid across. Slowly I step on. I cross, being careful to notice the separation between the trunks. One miss-step and its bye bye birdie. Step by inching step I creep forward until finally, to my relief, boots touch dry ground. I proceed to the edge of the mountain and with a deep breath, I proceed up. Time to climb.

                The hike starts as the crickets and frogs make their morning noises, filling the void around me. The darkness gives way to the day’s first echo of light. Time is running out. Climbing higher and higher I feel my legs burn with the effort and my lungs tighten with every breath but onward I push. Halfway up I find myself in the local’s fields. Trees are few and far between here and it is the rainy season. The fields have become mud pits. Mud sticks to my boots making every step heavier than the one before. I slip and slide as my feet carry me up. After 45 minutes and boots caked in mud I reach the top. I sit down, pull out my water bottle, and, while drinking a sip, take in the beauty of what’s around me. I look out over the town of Nyundo and the lights flickering with the uncertain electricity. I see the mountains that surround me and the hills that seem to roll like waves amongst the green, lush, landscape. The mist and fog hang suspended above the town. The sun flashes first rays over the mountain to my right, illuminating the land I have come to call home. Darkness gives way to light and to my surprise the clouds retreat. It is beautiful beyond my wildest dreams. A mountaintop sunrise. Perfect.

               A few days ago I had the bright idea to go on an early morning trek up the mountain to watch the sunrise. I knew it would require me to be up early and probably be lacking in the sleep department but I figured that the rewards far outweighed the risks. How many people can say that have seen the sunrise on a mountain in Africa (alright how many non- Africans can say that). Sleep would always be there and I could always take a nap in the afternoon so why not. I saw a chance to live my life and to break the routine that so encases us all. I took a chance and was rewarded for it. It makes me think about how many of us find ourselves caught up in the routine of life? Living day to day but never TRULY living. We are only here for a short time so why not break the mold? If I were to ask you when the last time you went out and did something fun and different what would your answer be? Yesterday? A week? A month? How often do you find yourself going farther, pushing yourself harder than before? Life is a gift and we are to make the most of it. You don’t have to travel to exotic locations to do that. Go out and meet somebody new, go learn a new hobby, go and tell that best friend how much you truly care. Go out and take the chance. Even if it blows up in your face, at least you could say you tried, you gave it your best chance. Life was not meant to be lived in the confines of comfortability and routine. It was meant to be lived. Get outside of your comfort zone and go do something crazy. Today is your day and it may be the only day you have left.  We never know when we are going to die so why play it safe? Don’t let fear get in the way. Fear is mearly the perception of what we see in front of us. Change your perception, change your fear. The time is now. Go Live and Live to the Fullest

 

 

Went back to the log Bridge later in the day

Praising Him In The Valley

It is funny how quickly things in this life can change and how dramatically they can change. One moment we can be on the tip top of the highest mountain, taking in all the beauty that the surrounding vantage point has to offer, and the next we can be thrown off said mountain into the deepest pits of despair and anguish. If there is one thing I have learned it’s that we are always in motion emotionally. We can never seem to stay in one emotion for too long. We may be happy and on top of the world for a while but the inevitable will happen and we will come to a place to where we find ourselves in the valley, many times unexpectedly. Two weeks ago I wrote a blog about trusting God and how everything happens for a reason and now the very thing I blogged about and the thing that was coming so easily is the very thing that I am having trouble with now. Two weeks ago I was on top of the world, filled with joy, trusting God, resting in His peace and now I find myself frustrated, confused about where God is leading me, getting frustrated at the smallest things, dealing with an extreme case of loneliness, feeling sick a majority of the time, and not being able to find His peace no matter what I do. It seems like a complete 180 from where I was and it came out of nowhere. I find myself asking God “what are you trying to teach me?” And the answer I have been getting is that He is teaching me to praise Him even in the valley.

                Praising Him in the valley is something that is easier said than done and at certain times that spirit of praise can seem more like a burden or a falsehood depending on where we are in life. We find ourselves singing of how good God is and how amazing His peace is when in our minds and our hearts we question God’s goodness and lack His peace. We may feel like liars or like we are putting up a false front when we praise Him during the tribulation so we stop praising Him all together. Better to not praise Him than to sing things that we question right? Better to be silent then a liar right? As I ponder these questions I am brought to the book of Psalms and the life of David. Now anyone who has read the Bible or even been to Sunday school knows about David. The boy who slew the giant, the shepherd who became king, a man after God’s own heart. The Bible portrays David in such a light that all the kings of Israel and Judah after him are compared to him. He is made out to be a man who regularly communicated with God and who God always favored, but when one comes to the Psalms a different picture seems to take shape. One will find a very real man who deals with very real circumstances. One can find him on mountaintops but most of the time one will find him in the valley and in the bleakest circumstances. Many of the Psalms show a man who is literally crying out to God, day and night, on his face weeping, asking God where he is and how long it will be before God comes to him. An example of this is Psalm 13 where David asks:

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?”- Psalm 13:1-2 (NIV)

We find David in a place where God is silent. A place where pain and sadness plague him on a day to day basis. Here we are given a portrait of a man who is dealing with very real human emotions. We find a man questioning where God is and what God is doing. When one looks through the Psalms they will come to the conclusion that this is not a one-time occurance nor is it even a rare occurance, but rather this is an occurance that one finds in a majority of the Psalms. Based on the description of David one would expect that David would be found happy and full of God’s joy and peace but we find the exact opposite. We find a man in pain, a man struggling, a man who is filled with sorrow, anger, strife, and anything but peace but look how David ends Psalm 13

“But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me”- Psalm 13:5-6

Even in the midst of sorrow David still praises God. He sings to the Lord and rejoices in the salvation that comes with knowing God. He says that the Lord HAS been good to him, not that the Lord is good to him, which signifies that at that moment David might not have been able to find any specific thing to praise God for, so he chose to praise Him for what He had done in the past. This is a pattern that many will find in reading David’s Psalms. He finds himself in bleak and unrelenting circumstances, circumstances without hope of rescue, but most of the time one finds him ending the psalm with praises to God.

In my opinion I think that the reason that David was called a man after God’s own heart was in large part due to his attitude towards God. He realized that God deserves praise and honor no matter the circumstances. David chose to praise Him despite the valley surrounding him. He understood that even if all we have is what God did in the past, it is still more than enough to praise Him for, that even if darkness seems to be knocking at our door and death is lurking in the corner making ready to strike, He is still worthy of praise, if for no other reason than He is God. When you find yourself in the valley, choose to praise Him, choose to remember all the things He has done for you, and choose to sing of His greatness. Praise Him in the Valley

Trust

       Trust. A single word that is packed with meaning and, for some, heaviness. Some of us see trust as a bad thing due to our trust being smashed in the past. Some see it as a word and only a word, with very little regard to what it really implies or means. For others it is not a shackle or something to be flippantly used but, when given its proper respect and respect what it stands for then trust can be a freeing, liberating part of life, especially when it involves trusting in The One who is deserving and worthy of our trust.
 
      There are many times in life where we find ourselves in situations we don't fully understand. We look around and using our worldly eyes and senses we come to the conclusion that the mess around us cannot be God because it doesn't make any sense. We may have felt led by God to do something or go somewhere but it doesn't seem to be happening the way we think it should or the way we would like for it to. We start asking questions like "I thought you said I was to do this so where are you?" or we start to doubt that we ever heard from God in the first place and question whether or not we even know the voice of God at all. Others may be in a situation where God has clearly laid out a path for you to follow, a journey for you to take and while you see the path and feel the conviction of the calling, the people around you can't. The people you have trusted, who you look up to, and whose judgment you trust are looking at your situation and are telling you something different then what God is telling you. They may even say that they have heard from God as well, while others question whether you heard from God. You might hear things like "God not only speaks to us through scripture but also through the people in authority over us" and all the while you sit there, asking yourself and asking Him, "what is it that I am truly suppose to do?" It can feel as if we are a ship sailing the waters we call life, all the while being pounded and pushed about by the waves and storms. The waves of doubt and questioning, the storms of words that come from the lips of those around you, and through it all we try to navigate these treacherous waters as best we can.
    
       It is this very aspect of trust that God has been placing within me and its a lesson that, looking back over these past few months, He has been teaching me from the very beginning of this process. I first felt the call to come to Africa for the summer in May of 2012 during a missions trip to Ethiopia. I never actually heard God's voice saying "HEY GO TO AFRICA" but rather I just had a deep conviction and leading that I was going to be back. Its hard to explain but if I was to try all I could say is that is was something that I knew that I knew. No one could tell me otherwise, I just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be going back to Africa the next summer and because of that conviction I started planning. I called up a guy that was planning on going to Ethiopia and living there during the summer of 2013 and started talking to him. We got the basic stuff out of the way but in October I received my first of many bombshells. The guy decided to go to Nicaragua instead of Ethiopia so that plan was shot. Even then though I knew I would be spending my summer in Africa just didn't know how. So March comes along and I go to Uganda on a missions trip and in Uganda I started talking to the pastor of the ministry we were aiding about joining him during the summer. I had a friend already getting ready to join him and I thought "this is it, this is where I am suppose to be." So all during the next month I plan and discuss with him about coming to Uganda but at the end of the month I received bombshell number two. They had decided to wait until January 2014 to take any interns. So that idea was thrown out the window. So here I am, its the beginning of April and I still don't know where I will be going or where I will be staying  but still there remained a firm standing that I was going. It wasn't until the middle of May, a month before the planned date to leave, that I finally got confirmation to go to Rwanda. Now this sounds all great but I was sitting there with no funds raised and planning to leave in four weeks. No idea how all the money was going to come, nor if I would even get it all. Money started coming in slowly and little by little it added up until a literally three days before I was to leave I had it all. Talk about cutting it close.
   
    Another aspect of trust that has started to creep into my heart is that everything that happens around us, everything that we see as possibly random or insignificant, whether it be a small problem or a major event, it all happens for a reason. God is orchestrating everything in our lives and putting events in motion that will ultimately glorify Him and we must trust this as well. This past April I started the process of trying to register for classes at evangel for what was suppose to be my last semester in school. For some unknown reason, I couldn't seem to get registered, and when I tried to contact my advisers (CBC or Evangel) I couldn't get in contact with them. I tried email and phone and finally in June two weeks before I was set to leave for Rwanda, I drove up to Evangel to sort it out. It just so happened that the one day I actually decide to go to the school is the one day that my advisor was not in the office. I went out to my car and sat down utterly confused about what to do and then it hit me; I hadn't been able to register because I wasn't suppose to attend Evangel in the fall. I was to stay in Rwanda longer then previously thought (I was originally going to be home on August 10). Even then God was working out the details and directing the course of events towards an outcome that He had already pre-planned and pre-ordained. Events like this have seemed to be the norm when it comes to this whole experience. I was even given the chance to go on a safari early this month but didn't have the month to go until three days before and by that time the safari was already booked. I asked God why He couldn't have given me the money a few days prior but I chose to trust Him and His judgment. It was during that safari that the son of my guard died and I just happened to be here to comfort and pray with him, as well as attend the funeral. Had I been on the safari I never would not have been able to help and consul my friend. Everything happens for a reason and we must trust that.

      So with all this being said we come to the point where we must ask ourselves, "why is it, despite all the times God has come through, do we still have problems trusting Him and question Him when we can't see His moving, or, even if we can, we can't seem to understand where He is leading?" I think the answer to that, at least in my case, is that we have a mindset that says we must be in control. We have our dreams and ideas about what our life should look like and how that dream or idea should take place. We place this facade of control over our lives and then get upset when God directs us in another direction. We complain because God is not working the way we think He should when in reality we should take a step back and try to find the ways that His plan is better and find the joy in that. Even when God gives us a vision or a calling, even then we still have the habit of trying to figure out how that will come to be and to this I must ask, Who gave you the vision? You or God? Whose vision is it? Yours or Gods? So if its Gods vision and God's desire for you, then wouldn't the smart thing be to let Him lead you to it? When we finally let go of our constant desire for control and start enjoying the journey for the journey rather than worrying about the end result, we start seeing the way God is moving. We see His direction and His leading and we see how He truly is "working out EVERYTHING for the good of those who love Him". When we truly trust Him to get us where we need to be and when we realize that we have absolutely no control over the circumstances and stop worrying about them, that's when trust becomes freeing. I trust Him to work it all out and its because of that I am able to sit back and just take joy in the here and now. I don't need to worry about tomorrow, nor do I need to worry about yesterday because it's out of my hands and it's in His. Why worry about something I have no control over?

    Now I must ask, How much do you trust Him? Do you trust Him with your future? How about your past? Your dreams, your passions, your deepest desires that seem to burn in the deepest part of your heart? What about the vision He has given you or the calling He gave you? Can you trust Him in the good times, when everything seems to be coming together and all the pieces are fitting perfectly to make a complete picture? Can you trust Him in the bad times, when it seems like we are being tossed about like a ship in the midst of a hurricane? Let me encourage you and remind you that no matter what season you find yourself in, whether good or bad, take time to step back and examine how God is bringing it all together for His glory and for your benefit. Learn to let go of the facade we call control and instead lean on Him and trust that He is truly working everything out for your good. Like a ship on the sea, allow Him to be the wind in your sails, guiding you and sending you where He will.