Trust

       Trust. A single word that is packed with meaning and, for some, heaviness. Some of us see trust as a bad thing due to our trust being smashed in the past. Some see it as a word and only a word, with very little regard to what it really implies or means. For others it is not a shackle or something to be flippantly used but, when given its proper respect and respect what it stands for then trust can be a freeing, liberating part of life, especially when it involves trusting in The One who is deserving and worthy of our trust.
 
      There are many times in life where we find ourselves in situations we don't fully understand. We look around and using our worldly eyes and senses we come to the conclusion that the mess around us cannot be God because it doesn't make any sense. We may have felt led by God to do something or go somewhere but it doesn't seem to be happening the way we think it should or the way we would like for it to. We start asking questions like "I thought you said I was to do this so where are you?" or we start to doubt that we ever heard from God in the first place and question whether or not we even know the voice of God at all. Others may be in a situation where God has clearly laid out a path for you to follow, a journey for you to take and while you see the path and feel the conviction of the calling, the people around you can't. The people you have trusted, who you look up to, and whose judgment you trust are looking at your situation and are telling you something different then what God is telling you. They may even say that they have heard from God as well, while others question whether you heard from God. You might hear things like "God not only speaks to us through scripture but also through the people in authority over us" and all the while you sit there, asking yourself and asking Him, "what is it that I am truly suppose to do?" It can feel as if we are a ship sailing the waters we call life, all the while being pounded and pushed about by the waves and storms. The waves of doubt and questioning, the storms of words that come from the lips of those around you, and through it all we try to navigate these treacherous waters as best we can.
    
       It is this very aspect of trust that God has been placing within me and its a lesson that, looking back over these past few months, He has been teaching me from the very beginning of this process. I first felt the call to come to Africa for the summer in May of 2012 during a missions trip to Ethiopia. I never actually heard God's voice saying "HEY GO TO AFRICA" but rather I just had a deep conviction and leading that I was going to be back. Its hard to explain but if I was to try all I could say is that is was something that I knew that I knew. No one could tell me otherwise, I just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be going back to Africa the next summer and because of that conviction I started planning. I called up a guy that was planning on going to Ethiopia and living there during the summer of 2013 and started talking to him. We got the basic stuff out of the way but in October I received my first of many bombshells. The guy decided to go to Nicaragua instead of Ethiopia so that plan was shot. Even then though I knew I would be spending my summer in Africa just didn't know how. So March comes along and I go to Uganda on a missions trip and in Uganda I started talking to the pastor of the ministry we were aiding about joining him during the summer. I had a friend already getting ready to join him and I thought "this is it, this is where I am suppose to be." So all during the next month I plan and discuss with him about coming to Uganda but at the end of the month I received bombshell number two. They had decided to wait until January 2014 to take any interns. So that idea was thrown out the window. So here I am, its the beginning of April and I still don't know where I will be going or where I will be staying  but still there remained a firm standing that I was going. It wasn't until the middle of May, a month before the planned date to leave, that I finally got confirmation to go to Rwanda. Now this sounds all great but I was sitting there with no funds raised and planning to leave in four weeks. No idea how all the money was going to come, nor if I would even get it all. Money started coming in slowly and little by little it added up until a literally three days before I was to leave I had it all. Talk about cutting it close.
   
    Another aspect of trust that has started to creep into my heart is that everything that happens around us, everything that we see as possibly random or insignificant, whether it be a small problem or a major event, it all happens for a reason. God is orchestrating everything in our lives and putting events in motion that will ultimately glorify Him and we must trust this as well. This past April I started the process of trying to register for classes at evangel for what was suppose to be my last semester in school. For some unknown reason, I couldn't seem to get registered, and when I tried to contact my advisers (CBC or Evangel) I couldn't get in contact with them. I tried email and phone and finally in June two weeks before I was set to leave for Rwanda, I drove up to Evangel to sort it out. It just so happened that the one day I actually decide to go to the school is the one day that my advisor was not in the office. I went out to my car and sat down utterly confused about what to do and then it hit me; I hadn't been able to register because I wasn't suppose to attend Evangel in the fall. I was to stay in Rwanda longer then previously thought (I was originally going to be home on August 10). Even then God was working out the details and directing the course of events towards an outcome that He had already pre-planned and pre-ordained. Events like this have seemed to be the norm when it comes to this whole experience. I was even given the chance to go on a safari early this month but didn't have the month to go until three days before and by that time the safari was already booked. I asked God why He couldn't have given me the money a few days prior but I chose to trust Him and His judgment. It was during that safari that the son of my guard died and I just happened to be here to comfort and pray with him, as well as attend the funeral. Had I been on the safari I never would not have been able to help and consul my friend. Everything happens for a reason and we must trust that.

      So with all this being said we come to the point where we must ask ourselves, "why is it, despite all the times God has come through, do we still have problems trusting Him and question Him when we can't see His moving, or, even if we can, we can't seem to understand where He is leading?" I think the answer to that, at least in my case, is that we have a mindset that says we must be in control. We have our dreams and ideas about what our life should look like and how that dream or idea should take place. We place this facade of control over our lives and then get upset when God directs us in another direction. We complain because God is not working the way we think He should when in reality we should take a step back and try to find the ways that His plan is better and find the joy in that. Even when God gives us a vision or a calling, even then we still have the habit of trying to figure out how that will come to be and to this I must ask, Who gave you the vision? You or God? Whose vision is it? Yours or Gods? So if its Gods vision and God's desire for you, then wouldn't the smart thing be to let Him lead you to it? When we finally let go of our constant desire for control and start enjoying the journey for the journey rather than worrying about the end result, we start seeing the way God is moving. We see His direction and His leading and we see how He truly is "working out EVERYTHING for the good of those who love Him". When we truly trust Him to get us where we need to be and when we realize that we have absolutely no control over the circumstances and stop worrying about them, that's when trust becomes freeing. I trust Him to work it all out and its because of that I am able to sit back and just take joy in the here and now. I don't need to worry about tomorrow, nor do I need to worry about yesterday because it's out of my hands and it's in His. Why worry about something I have no control over?

    Now I must ask, How much do you trust Him? Do you trust Him with your future? How about your past? Your dreams, your passions, your deepest desires that seem to burn in the deepest part of your heart? What about the vision He has given you or the calling He gave you? Can you trust Him in the good times, when everything seems to be coming together and all the pieces are fitting perfectly to make a complete picture? Can you trust Him in the bad times, when it seems like we are being tossed about like a ship in the midst of a hurricane? Let me encourage you and remind you that no matter what season you find yourself in, whether good or bad, take time to step back and examine how God is bringing it all together for His glory and for your benefit. Learn to let go of the facade we call control and instead lean on Him and trust that He is truly working everything out for your good. Like a ship on the sea, allow Him to be the wind in your sails, guiding you and sending you where He will.