The Broken Shackle

There are times in life where revelations seem to creep up on us and in those revelations we find clarity. Clarity about the people around us, the circumstances that surround us, and the emotions that penetrate us. These past few weeks God has been granting me revelations and with each reveation given, a chain was broken. Just like we all have revelations so too do we all have chains and shackles that bind us and keep us from being all that God has called us to be, from reaching our full potential. Many of these shackles are placed on us by none other than our own worst enemy: ourselves. We put shackles of self-esteem and looks on ourselves quite often resulting in the abuse of our body through eating disorders, extensive physical exercise, and the pshycilogical issues of never feeling good enough. We place the shackels of past regrets on ourselves never fully allowing ourselves to move on from the mistakes that haunt us and seem to infiltrate every aspect of our lives, even years after the initial incident occured. There the shackles of expectations; expectations of what we should do or who we should be. These particular shackles can be placed on us by ourselves or those around but even when it is other peoples expectations that shackle us, we were still the ones who originally allowed them to be placed there.
  This past month and a half God has been breaking shackle after shackle that I either placed myself or allowed to be placed upon my life. If you have been keeping up with my blogs you will know that the first shackle He broke was the one that skewed my view of Him. I wrote in that blog that when that shackle was broken it was only one of many and it was the beginning of a process that would be painful and emotionally draining and I can now say that statement was 100% correct. It has seemed that God broke a new chain every week but all of those breaks seemed to bring up past hurts and wounds. It would be like a doctor going and cutting open an old scar; it bleeds and it brings about a pain that you thought you were done with and casues you to question the purpose of re-opening the scar in the first place.
 The shackles that have caused the most pain were the ones of self-esteem and the need to be liked by those around me. looking back over my life I can see the instances where I would try to do everything I could to be liked and in the end would still feel alone and deserted. I felt rejected, like I wasnt good enough and was without value. I couldn't understand why I was the way I was and why, no matter how much I gave, or how much I tried, I was still the oddball and the one nobody liked. I felt completly alone and there were times I would cry out to God for him to come and heal my heart and take the pain of rejection and more often than not the relief wouldn't come and I couldn't understand why. Maybe it was because I wasnt looking for him but rather was looking for what He could do. I honeslty don't know the reason but I can say that He had a plan and a reason for it and I am learning to trust that and rely on that truth.
  Two weeks ago I was sitting down on a couch and a song called Freedom by Run Kid Run came on my playlist and as it started playing I broke down....again (I have cried more this past month than in the last four years combined) It talks about God coming and breaking the chains and even after He does, we still hold on to the chains because it is comfortable and what we are use to. I realized that He has had His hand stretched out the entire time, just waiting for me to let go of the chains He has already dis-engaged, and to grab on to Him instead. I went outside and sat on the ground and as I was sitting there praying something happened. I saw myself kneeling in the middle of a desert. As I look around all I can see is sand, desolate, lifeless sand. I look down and see the shackles around my wrists and the chain links coming off of them dissappearing into the sand upon which i kneel. I tug and pull but no matter how hard I struggle I cant seem to break free and with a last ditch effort of frustration and pain, I throw my head up to the sky and find myself screaming, not an angry scream but a scream and cry of desperation. my arms are outstreached and tears begin to roll down my
cheeks. I hang my head down and accept my fate. It seems that I will never be able to break free from the chains that have held me in this dry wasteland of a soul for so long. As I sit there in my despair the clouds open up and an outstretched hand appears. I look at it for just a second and with my head held low and with exahustion and defeat in the motion, I use the last reserve of energy left to place my hand in His. The chains fall off and I collapse into his arms and like a child He carries me. My arms wrap around his neck and my head rests on his chests and I tell Him I am sorry for holding on the the chains rather than holding on to Him. I no longer want to hold on to whats comfortable, what I am use to, but instead I tell Him I want to remain holding on to Him. After a while He comes to a place and slowly sets me down. Strength renews and with weak knees and a near buckle attempt, I place my feet on the ground and stand. I again embrace Him, wrapping my arms around His neck as He wraps His around my waist. He whispers in my ear a simple phrase but one that will forever impact me "never let go" and with that the vision ends. Simple words with an eternal impact. Its been two weeks since the vision and since then I have had a contentness that I lacked before, a joy that was absent prior, and a freedom that I have longed for for years. He has broken the shackles and has taught me to hold on to him ratehr than the chains that He has already broken.
  Through Him we are Loved,Through Him the chains are loosed, Through Him we are FREE

A Week of Crazy

How do I even begin to put into words the craziness that has been my past week. Crazy seems to fit perfectly, although chaotic would be a close second. So much has happened in the past seven days and God has revealed just how much and how radical the change within me has been. It’s been exciting and frightening, loud and explosive, but mostly God ordained and God anointed. So lets do this in an orderly fashion and go a day by day synopsis and I am giving you a fair warning…This blog will not be short but trust me you will want to stay with it ;)

 

Sunday:

On Sunday we had the opportunity and the pleasure of hosting a Visiting Orphans Medical team from California. They came in and we were able to partake in Sunday service with them inside our home and the girls danced and lead worship while the pastor of the California church danced through worship and even got his team involved and got them dancing. It really was a sight to see and was an incredible time of worship. After the worship Peter (who was the translator and the one leading the service) asked for a time of testimony in which I gave the testimony of my garden experience. Now here is the cool thing; the pastor from Cali was to be the speaker and preacher and the message that he spoke? Why it was the story of Mary Magdalene meeting the resurrected Jesus in the garden outside the tomb!!! I give my testimony about my garden experience and the speaker speaks almost the exact same experience that I had. I had not seen the correlation until he brought it out but sat there and thought “wow…it truly is amazing how God works things out”.  

Once the service was over we were able to eat with the team and talk with them before they went on their way. That night two of my new favorite people came back to the house to stay with us for the week. Ben and Cassie are a married couple who live in Nashville singing and playing guitar for a living. They sponsor a kid at a school here in Rwanda and were here to see her and pour into her but during the week they were to stay with us and thank God they did because it would not have been such an awesome week had they not. Now on to Monday

Monday:

Honestly Monday was pretty uneventful other than getting a call from Amanda saying that she was hearing mortar blasts close to her place. This was intriguing so I pull up the news and sure enough the DRC army and the M23 rebels had engaged in fighting along the Rwandan border close to where Amanda was. It was at this point that I decided I needed a plan of escape in case it got bad (overdramatic? More like planned and ready. Hope for the best but expect the worse) I was able to go into the community and play with kids and meet some of the people that I live amongst. One guy who sculpts even used my face to help him sculpt and carve a good size figure. So my face has now been immortalized in a sculpting which is pretty sweet. That evening we all went to the beach at Serena resorts on lake Kivu and shared a meal there. We played volleyball with the locals (in which I played like crud but hey This Is Africa [T.I.A.] so no one really cared lol). It really was a great night and I had such a blast hanging with new friends and just being able to relax.

Tuesday:

Tuesday was also pretty uneventful although it was Tuesday that I started to get sick and thought I might have a parasite. My gut was bubbly (and not the kind of bubbly that makes me wiggle my toes or crinkle my toes) and sharp pain started to hit pretty hard. That night Ben, Cassie, Katie, Moses, and I all went out to eat again at a beautiful spot right on the lake and again shared laughs and made memories that will last a lifetime.

Wednesday:

So Wednesday was the eventful day and was the start of something new and amazing. To start the day I decided to go to Noel Orphanage down the street with Ben and Cassie and once there we met two other Americans who brought the Orphanage brand new basketballs and footballs so of course we had to use those balls to play a game of 5-on-5 basketball. Ben and I were on a team as well as one of the other Americans and two of the Noel guys. The other team was basically all Noel guys and you know what? We won but it was during this game that my gut started acting up again and decided to throw sever pain my way and my shin decided to join in and give me pain as well. But we won so totally worth it.

We went back to the house for lunch and once lunch was done we walked back to Noel and started discussing with some of the guys there. We probably had a group of 10 guys between 17-25 and while it started out as just asking questions it turned into a discussion about the politics of Rwanda and how the power to make their country better rested with them. I was able to encourage them and push them into a mindset that said they could accomplish anything and not to let the words of those around them stop them from achieving their dreams or goals. We talked about hard work, even in the small things, and not giving up even when the odds seemed stacked against them. It really was a beautiful thing and I was so thankful to be able to be used in that way. I learned that one of the guys named Oliver had actually taught himself English by listening to BBC radio and then looking up the words in the dictionary….he is so flipping intelligent it is incredible. I was also able to bring one of the guys over to my house for a cold drink and some time of relaxation which he sorely needed.

During the talk with the guys we started hearing loud booms in the distance and Cassie, who was in Rwanda when fighting broke out last November looked at me and said that’s a bomb. After that we were consistently hearing them go off every 2-3 minutes in rounds of three or four. We even heard the THUD-THUD-THUD of the helicopter gunships firing their cannons into the rebel positions. It really was a surreal experience. This carried on for nearly four hours and when we went into town to eat that night the entire city was covered in a haze and smelt of gunpowder. Like when you shoot fireworks during the fourth of July and that white haze fills the area and it smells like fireworks…it was like that except on a much larger scale.

 

Thursday

Thursday was a decent day. The bombs seemed to stop falling which was nice and I was able to go to Noel in the afternoon and play ball with the guys but it was during one of those games I am pretty sure I either pulled a muscle or hyper extended something within my right bicep which was to cause me a lot of pain. This night we did NOT go out to eat but stayed in and ate at the house. That night Ben, Cassie, Amanda, and I all watched The Office which was great and made me laugh so flipping much

 

Friday

Friday I went to noel again and tried playing ball but that didn’t last long with both my shin and arm shooting pain up my entire right side. I decided to lay down until after lunch. Once lunch was done I grabbed five of the guys from Wednesday’s group and we met at my house. I told them that like Christ had the 12 I have the five; five guys to mentor, teach, learn from, and live life together. We will be meeting every Friday and discussing events in our world, how to better the world around us, and dive into the Word for bible studies. I am so excited to see where God is going to take this. These five are highly intelligent with one of them aspiring to be a doctor who can find the cure for HIV/Aids. I truly believe, if given a chance and the proper schooling, he will be able to accomplish this dream.

That Night Ben, Cassie, Amanda, and I all went up to Imbabazi and played clue and other games and just hung out. It was such a great night and was sooooo much fun. I haven’t laughed like that in a while. It was needed and was good.

Saturday

This morning while waiting to get a moto, Ben and Cassie pulled out the guitar (in the middle of the village road) and started playing and singing worship songs. Needless to say the locals crowded around and were in awe and some even started singing with us. It was such an awesome moment and it was definitely God inspired and God breathed.

It really has been an incredible week and despite the illness, pains, and war going on around me I never once got down, sad, or even upset. The dogs even ate a pair of my shoes and I didn't get mad....trust me that's truly God at work. He is starting to change the way I view things and this week was truly a huge sign of the work He is doing in me. I was able to carry on despite the things and turmoil around me and physically in me. I saw beauty in everything and was able to be free to be me and it was truly amazing. How I love the person He is making me out to be and the change that He is stirring within. So until next time, stay thirsty my friends….thirsty for the Spirit that is ;)

 

Finding The One

So I know this is the most random blog but if you know me then you know that random is what makes me, well, me J I have just been contemplating a lot and thinking through my past and what could be my future and in the process the issue of relationships has continually come up. I was in a coffee house kind of like Starbucks in Kigali on Sunday and as I sat there a song came over the speakers; a song that took me back to the summer I turned 16. It was that summer that I fell in love and in the same year my heart would be broken and the world around me would come crashing down around me. Since then I have dated numerous times, some only lasting a matter of weeks while few others lasted a significantly longer. Each relationship had ups and downs and each ultimately led to heart break. I look back and think about it all and realize that what I longed for in every instance was just to be loved and in every instance my expectations and standards were not met, not saying the girls didn’t try because they were awesome just saying that what I placed on them should never have been there in the first place.

           You see in each of us is a unique desire to be loved and to be able to fully trust someone with everything and when we place that expectation and desire on people, it will ultimately fail because it is only God that can meet that desire and truly exceed the expectations that we have. I see now that I never should have put those girls in those positions and should have never demanded and expected them to be God. Which leads me to the main point of this little blog: why then, if we truly have our expectations met in God, do we (or maybe just I) continue to long for a romantic relationship. Through this journey I have become closer to the One who can truly love me then I ever thought possible, and in the process my desire for romance has seemed to dwindle. I am finding what I always wanted from a girl in Christ and for me its awe-inspiring and eye opening. The Sunday at the coffee shop I sat there thinking all this and in that moment I told Christ that it no longer mattered. I have what I desired this entire time and in Him I find my identity and fulfillment and it’s by Him that I am made whole. We talk about a soul mate and the other half but for me, He is the other half. We say that they make us better but I say He makes me better, He pulls the best out of me and it’s because of Him that I even have the ability to love another person in the first place. I gave the last thing that I held onto up to Him and in doing so was overtaken with a peace that goes beyond the power and description of words. I had a smile plastered on my face for hours and for the first time in a long time, I was completely relaxed. I no longer need the relationship of another because I finally found the One who is the lover of my soul.

Relationship

As I write this I am sitting under an overhang on the porch listening to the rain fall. I look out and see it falling effortlessly down drenching the world around it in, causing the dry dirt and earth to become mud and clay. I sit here watching it fall and smelling the aroma of new rain, new life, to a land that is usually without it during the summer months. I feel the breeze as it sends the slight chill into my bones and can feel the moisture hang in the air as if surrounding me on all sides with its presence. I take in the array of sensations that seem to captivate my emotions and am taken back to yesterday where it was in a garden like I have never seen that I met Him. 

             For awhile now, I have had an outlook on life that probably hasn’t been the healthiest or the most beneficial in regards to my spiritual walk and in my physical and emotional state of being. I come from a household that was once run by dominance and by an alpha male personality (it has since changed and for more on that check out my first entry). Growing up in a household like that one gets a sense that to be in charge meant to have a warrior personality and an iron will that was strong and portrayed the alplha-male hardness. Authority ruled and the strong were the victors in this little game we call life. This is the view I had of God. This is the view I had of Christ. Through certain events in my life I had come to view him, not as a friend, but as a warrior king and dictator who we were to serve because He is God and we are not. This view affected not only my spiritual life but every facet and arena in which I found myself. Christ was not someone I could go to and just conversant with and even saying the name Jesus in a prayer was weird and foreign if not proceeded by “in the name of” Needless to say prayers were not talks but rather were me coming before a king and judge in a throne room, bowing on my knees and hoping to have my request met but not really expecting to. There was no relationship, just domination.

                My physical life was pretty much played out in this way as well. I have this notion that a minister is loving, yes, but also one who people look up to, who is strong and solid during hardship and who is a leader in the sense of a military leader, like that of a general, strong and fearless. This outlook placed within me a hardness and mentality that I was to remain always strong. But inside I knew my weakness, I saw my shortcomings, and I knew that I could not measure up to that model minister and leader, even on my best days. I tried to give myself the mindset of a soldier in battle, ready to fight and bust down doors for the kingdom, but with that came an anger and inner turmoil that I cannot put into words. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t, someone that was not who He intended me to be.  I was angry at myself because I did not measure up to the standards I, myself, had set. I felt like a failure and was incredibly critical of myself and those around me, leading inevitably to feelings of depression and fury. That is until this past weekend.

                I have been reading a book called the shack and in it a man who is caught up in deep sadness over his daughter’s murder is asked by God to go to the site where his loss took place. It was here that God met him and completely changed his world and concept of religion and what it means to be a follower of Christ.  There were certain parts in the book that brought tears to my eyes and as I read on, I found that my entire view of who the Trinity is had become highly skewed. This brings us to Monday. I went with Amanda to Imbagazi (I am certain I have spelled that wrong) and after a 25 minute drive up a dirt, pot-holed, road, we arrived. The place is beautiful and breathtaking. It sits at the top of a mountain 7500ft up and the scene is mesmerizing, none more so than the garden. It looked like something straight out of a movie and as I broke off from the group to explore deeper, I found myself departing from my shoes and letting the grass and dirt seep between my toes. There were magnificent colors, the likes I have never seen together. Blues, yellows, golds, reds, and greens that seemed to both clash and complement each other. I walked along until I came to a place where a memorial stood. A simple grave that held the founder of the orphanage and as I stood there, something in me broke. I sat down and as soon as my butt hit the ground it seemed like a torrent of tears burst forth and the pain of all my past failures came rushing up and out. I sat there weeping, and not just one of those little cries, but an ugly, agonizing cry that is accompanied by the moans and groans of a soul in despair and the shaking of a body that is trying to compose itself. I sat there telling God that I didn’t want to view him as I did, that I wanted to have relationship with him, not just enslavement. I wanted him to walk with me instead of over me, to see him as a friend and father, rather than a leader and dictator. As I sat there pouring my heart out my whole world got turned upside down. I saw Him, Jesus standing by the tree no more than 10 feet in front of me. He stood in the 3 foot gap that lay between the tree and the hedge, with his arm up on the branch and as I looked he came over and sat next to me, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close. Not a word was spoken in those first few moments, the only sound being the sound of tears and my cries. I asked him why I hadn’t heard from Him in so long, why I was left to deal with all this pain and heartache by myself and why, when I was giving my life to serve him, did I still feel completely alone. His words were simple and yet soothing “I have been with you the entire time, you just haven’t been looking.” I was shocked and confused. I prayed and read my bible, so how is it that I hadn’t been looking? Turns out I was going through the religious routine and motions without ever really looking for Him. I would ask stuff in my prayers and praise him with words without ever really knowing the true nature of them. I would ask to hear him, not because I wanted communication, but because I wanted direction. I have realized that Jesus isn’t just a warrior or soldier, He is so much more; He is lover, brother, and friend. He doesn’t just want me to spend the devo time with Him but rather wants me to live life with Him, to experience it with him, and to know Him in an intimate and deep way. I finally felt loved and knew that to him I was not a failure or disappointment, I was a treasure.

                SO where does this leave me? I would say that its back to the drawing board for me. When it comes to this relationship thing, I am new. There are some habits that must be broken and some pains and heartaches that must be dealt with and the only way that will happen is to bring them to the surface. I know that the process will not be an easy one nor will it necessarily be pleasant, but it will be worth it. To truly know Him and to know that I am loved and to live freely in that is the greatest thing that I could ask for and it is the one thing I long for the most. It’s time to let go of legalism and religion and time for relationship.

 

WEEK 1

So I have been in country for a little under a week now and to say that it has been one of the most emotional weeks of my life would be an understatement. From Highs of excitement to lows of despair and being on the verge of depression, I have already realized that my emotions are not to be trusted here but rather I MUST look towards Him, the author of my faith and this journey. SOO lets start at the beginning of this week. I left Springfield on Sunday and took flights from Springfield to Chicago, to Brussels and then finally Kigali. Upon arriving in Kigali I stepped off the plane and the first thing I noticed wasn’t the smell like Ethiopia but in fact the absence of one….the absence of nearly any noise except the plane….complete silence and a peaceful serenity that seemed to be misplaced considering all the lights that seemed to roll on and on with the hills and mountains that Rwanda is famous for. So Amanda and I get through customs and we meet our contact, a man named Peter, a local pastor who hosts and leads mission teams when they come to do the work of the Kingdom. Later I would hear the story of Peters walk and life and the CRAZY Faith this man had. He left a church to build a new one without a home or job or any means of income AT ALL!!! He built a house without the permission of the government on land that had been bought years prior (the local leaders said he could but they didn’t get permission from the federal government). Peter had no money but God miraculously provided contractors and construction workers without Peter having to use much. The fed government was going to tear it down but Peter prayed for hours and the Lord worked, sparing Peters house….and I failed to mention that Peter has EIGHT KIDS. Anyway that’s a little of his story. So we arrive at Peter’s house where they hosted us and stayed with them for two days. The second day there Amanda and I visited the Genocide Memorial Museum (if you don’t know about the genocide, basically one ethnic group, the Hutus, slaughtered over a million of their countrymen, the Tutsis, in just 100 days before being stopped by the Rwanda rebel force the RPF.) The museum was a very sober ordeal and told the story of the genocide. It really is amazing how long it took the world to recognize that genocide was happening and the UN’s lack of action. (it was said that 5000 UN troops was all it would have taken to stop and prevent the genocide). The two major things that really hit me though was one room that had the skulls of victims in it. The skulls had cracks, holes, or major chunks taken out indicating the blunt force impact that was used to kill them or the bullet that passed through. Outside the museum was a grave site that had mass graves 20ftx10ft made of concrete. No telling how deep they were but there were around 18 of them and the approximate number of bodies was 250,000. To put that in perspective that is more than the population of Springfield Missouri or a little less I can’t remember. To put the genocide as a whole in perspective, Hitler took 5 or 6 years to kill 6 million people and the rate by which the Rwandans were killing each other,  that number would have been done in 18 months or a year and a half. The tales and stories were incredibly heavy and it was a solemn occasion to be there and one that will stay with me forever.

Enough of the sad stuff. On Wednesday Amanda and I headed towards Gesenyi and I was able to see the beautiful Rwandan countryside and the rolling hills. Rwanda really is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen and I have been to a lot of places. So we get to Gesenyi and this is where the despair set in. I was shown where I was going to live and remember that it is night and the power is out so the entire house looked worse. We go to a house without a gate that is made basically out of mud brick and cement floors. I walk in and honestly it looked like something that could be considered a jail in the states. My room had only a bed in it and was extremely dark, my toilet did not have a toilet seat, the shower did not work and there was no sink (the bathroom could not fit one in it anyway) and before you start judging me for complaining, I realize that I could have had it a lot worse. The biggest thing was that I was alone in the house….without power….in the dark. I sat on the bed and despair hit me. I started crying out to God and had my music going on my phone (I had to have some sound cuz it was too creepy not to lol) All of a sudden “it is well” came on and as I sat there singing it I felt God’s presence move and told God  I had no idea how I was going to do this but that I would stay. Luckily the next day my next door neighbor, who is an American, said that I could stay in her 5 bedroom house which had a gate and when it came together I was told that apparently machete wielding thieves were known to plague the house I was suppose to stay at so THANK GOD for his provision. There is one catch though…it cost $300 a month to live which brings my monthly expenses to about $500. I will only have enough to get through August….so Please pray about donating and you can do that through the “Rwanda Funding” tab at the top. Alright I am done asking for money. So on Thursday I officially meet the guys and I have to admit the language barrier is causing more of a problem than I thought but God is showing me ways to communicate regardless and relationships are being built. The past two days I have been sick, depressed, angry, happy, adrenaline laced, and a variety of other emotions. IT HAS BEEN NUTS!!! But I decided to take what time I had and really go after God and after doing so I definitely feel much better and feel his hand in this. I know that He has a plan and that He has brought me here for a reason and a purpose I just never expected it to be this stressful right off the bat. SO in your prayer time remember me and the men here in Rwanda and also remember Amanda Herdina and the journey God is taking her on as well. More will come later J Oh and I rode on the back or a Dirt Bike which was SUPER AWESOME and for $1000 I can buy my own….just a thought ;)

 

The Morning View in Kigali

 The Skulls at the Museum

 Stories and statements from the kids of the Genocide

 The Mass Grave and Yes those are bodies under that cloth

At Kigali

Rwanda

Lets Be Real

Time To Be Open....

So I am sitting here, one day out, one more day until everything around me changes, one day until my life gets turned upside down and honestly I don't feel how I expected. I expected to have waves of excitement and anticipation rolling over me filling me with ambition, drive, and, well, excitement but that's not what I feel. Rather I feel nervous, scared, overwhelmed. Now before you say the typical "God's got it", or "You just gotta trust in Him" or the ever popular "Oh Ye of Little Faith" know that I do trust God and I know that He has it all under control and I certainly would say I have faith or else I wouldn't be going but that doesn't change the fact that EVERYTHING around me is changing. Its not just a move like moving in grade school where you still have your family nor like the college move because (for the majority of us) we still move to a campus somewhere in the US and where the majority of the campus speaks English. This move is one where my family isn't coming, I will no longer be in the States, and if the people speak English its very broken and hard to understand. So your probably reading this and thinking "then why are you going?" and the answer to that is because God has asked me to go. I don't know how all this will turn out and the questions of "will they like me?" and "what am I doing?" are very prevalent in the inner chasms of my mind but I guess that is where faith comes in. I'm learning that faith isn't being without fear or uncertainty in how it all will work out, but faith seems to be what we do with that fear and uncertainty. Do we let the fear drive us away or do we continue on into the depths of change and unknown knowing that He is walking before us, guiding our every step, behind us, protecting our 6 from the enemy's attacks, and most of all beside us, lending that hand to hold and cling to in the times when the darkness of the unknown seems to be overwhelming. So that's where I am at right now and even in the uncertainty I will move forward because He has called me and every step I take in the forward motion leads me one step closer to Him and He is my ultimate desire.  

An African Love Story Part 2

   So I know I said that this was going to go up a day after the first one but as you can probably imagine I got caught up in all the preparations for the five month trip. SO this is a couple days late but come on, give me some leniency here, I mean there is a LOT still left to be done and I am only a few days out until the departure date. Now before I go any further let me clarify that this story is not a story about my dreams nor is it a story about my plans and goals because, you see, this story is actually not about me. This story is about the plans and dreams that God places in the hearts of His children and the resulting journey that will come upon such placement. This story is His story and He takes spotlight and center stage. Without Him this story is just that: a story. Thanks to Him this story is now a reality. So now that we have that cleared up let us continue with the Ethiopian trip.
    I last left you in the community of Korah on the first day of the African Missions trip. If you recall, I was in the middle of dozens of kids who had to be some of the most loving and joyful kids I had ever come into contact with. So as I stand in what can loosely be called an outdoor sitting area outside of the church, I see all these kids and they grab at me and pull and tug, desiring the physical contact and desiring to just play and have fun. Initially I was a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount, but once the initial shock subsided I decided it was time to play. I grabbed one of the little boys and plucked him from the crowd that swarmed around. Spinning him around and around, I couldn't help but smile and think of how amazing this whole experience was already becoming and how lucky I was to be in the midst of all these kids, just being able to play. I place him on the ground and immediately two more latch on to either of my biceps, wrapping their arms around like a claw gripping to a car in those junkyard scenes that seem to appear in nearly every 80's spy movie. As they gripped tightly around my arms I hoisted them up launching them in the air like human rockets. Praise the lord neither of them let go because that would not have been a situation I would have liked to explain to the people of the community: "Oh the blood gushing from the cut on his forehead? Oh that was because he let go as I picked him up and popped his head on the nearby rock" Yea don't think that would go over very well, although we were there on medical so my parents could have just patched him up ;) Anyway we play with the kids for about an hour or so and decide it's time to head back to the guest house for some much needed rest (jet lag and all).  Upon our return I go to take a shower and as I turn the shower knob, I am welcomed by the tingle and jolt of an electric shock.....in a shower......with water starting to fall on my head!!! Anyone who has seen The Green Mile knows that electricity and water do not end well for the conductor of said electricity. As you can imagine this was quite a shocking experience but taught me another African lesson: do not expect the appliances to work like you think they should and always be prepared for a result that may be downright shocking.
    The next few days came and went without much  incident; in essence those days were filled with hundreds of people coming into the makeshift clinic that had been set up in the church. We saw people who had leprosy and were missing limbs due to it. We saw people who had cysts and people who had HIV, people who had TB and people who seemingly had nothing wrong with them physically but just wanted to be around our team and to build some kind of relationship with us. Many of them were incredibly kind and all would wait for hours just to see the medical staff that had come from America to treat them. On Wednesday we headed up to a school where many of the sponsored kids from Korah were sen to receive education. Around 5 A.M. the team piled into the 2 vans and we headed out. The drive, which we were told was only going to last 3 hours, ended up lasting about 4 and half but it was through some beautiful countryside so there wasn't a lot of complaining. When we finally arrived at the school we unpacked and set up shop in what looked like a pavilion mixed with an outdoor amphitheater. It had the tin roofing overhead and it was all done by concrete so it had a pavilion feel but the way it was set up was like an amphitheater, what with the staircase  stadium seating and all. While we set the kids gathered round and sat eagerly in rows, waiting for the attention that they were about to receive. You could see the smaller ones twitching and fidgeting as excitement and anticipation built within them. The older ones, of course, tried to be cool and were gathered in the back together. They talked amongst themselves with the big man in the middle and the rest gathered round. I guess no matter where you go, whether in America or Ethiopia, some things remain the same. It really did remind me of Grease when all the greasers would sit huddled up around the main guy. It was quite comical.
   So the medical people start there check ups and mean while, myself and other non-medical people decided to play with the kids. A few of our members pulled out Arts and Crafts and as soon as they did the little ones eyes lit up. If they weren't squirming before, they were now. I am not the Arts and Crafts type so My little brother, his two friends, and I all went to sit with the older ones. It wasn't long after sitting down that the moment many of us had been expecting came. "Do you want to play football?" There was the question and while one of the group was actually on their High School Soccer team, the rest of us were pretty terrible, especially when compared to these kids, but we got up and grabbed a ball and joined in anyways. As we started playing, it became evident just how awful we really were. Even the one that played was having a hard time keeping up with these guys and the physicality of the game was quite surprising. They were running circles around us and within a matter of minutes something else became clear: I was out of shape. These kids were like energizer bunnies in how they could run and just wouldn't stop. I was out of breath after the first few minutes and here they were just going and going and going and after about 20 minutes of this I was done.
   I sat down and almost as soon as I did all the older ones seemed to huddle around me. They talked excitedly and laughed with such joy. They asked me questions about my life and about America and I asked them about their life and what home was like for them. Many of them, when asked "what do you want to be?" would reply "solider." Again there are some things that just don't change and boys dreaming of the excitement and adventurous lifestyle of the solider seems pretty much constant, at least where I have been. After a while one of them pulled out a phone and started playing Justin Beiber.... I was at once surprised and speechless. Apparently JB is huge over in Africa and its not with the girls....Its with the guys. I guess there are some things that remain the same and then there are somethings that are vastly different. So being quick on my feet I went and grabbed the iHome that my father and so cleverly thought to bring and my iPod which did in fact have JB on it (yes I know loss of Man points but in my defense it was only three songs and they were his good ones). Once the music started playing, they started singing and dancing, and man could they dance. They were so young and none of them had ever taken lessons or anything. When asked how they danced like that, they said it just came naturally....lucky kids. They pushed me into the circle and I looked like a fish out of water, but they still encouraged and clapped anyway. To look back on it now I realize how awesome it all was. They treated us like rock stars and to them we probably were. They wanted so badly to learn about America and for us to teach them our culture, but what they never realized was that they were the ones who were teaching us. Teaching us just how self-centered our culture is, teaching us how to smile and find joy in the midst of turmoil and discomfort, and teaching us that its not about us, but rather about the community. They really do have a community based mindset and it is this view and outlook on life that makes them so amazing. They live such simple lives and are much happier then we, who, as Americans have everything at our fingertips, could ever hope to be. What made them so happy amidst their trying circumstances? Community and relationship. One can have all the material possessions that their heart could ever desire, but without relationship, it all means and amounts to nothing. This was the biggest lesson that I would learn from them and it was the single most important quality that drew me to them and to the continent they called home.
   Once that day was over we again piled into the vans and stayed the night at a hotel about 30 minutes outside of the school. It was here that one of the funniest moments of the trip would take place. The following morning I awoke and low and behold there was a monkey sitting on my balcony. I go to the door and look out and they are everywhere. It was an interesting site to see and one that was a little unnerving given the reputation of monkeys and their aggressive behavior. I would come to find out that same morning that my parents had encountered the monkeys as well except they got up close and personal. It seems that my parents had ordered room service the night before and had food sitting on the table at the foot of the bed. One clever little monkey got it in his mind that he was hungry and decided that he was going to get that food. Now in our hotel rooms we had glass doors leading to the balcony and directly above those doors were windows that slide open. The monkey somehow managed to climb in through that window and get the food. My mom apparently woke up to a monkey sitting on the table eating their food. Needless to say she screamed and my dad, being dad, came rushing out of the bathroom to see what the commotion was all about. Maybe it was the sight of my father in boxers or perhaps it was the ear shattering scream from my mother but something scared the monkey as it dropped the food and bolted back out the window. Great way to start the morning.
  The rest of trip went well and pretty much went off without any problems, although we did have a few members get REALLY sick on the fourth or fifth day. We would spend another 5 days there and would even be able to attend an international church on Sunday before we flew out. It really was an amazing experience and it was one that would forever change my life and the path that I was headed down. On the flight home I sat there processing all that had taken place and made up my mind that no matter what needed to be done, I was bound and determined to get back to Africa and to be there for an extended period of time. Little did I know that the journey that God had started me on would be one of faith and trust in him and would be one that would bring me to the point of seriously doubting whether I was even to go. But that is a story that must wait for another time ;)